Liam

At twenty years old, I saw my life going in many different directions. I wanted to go to nursing school, but school wasn’t a top priority for me. I skated my way through my undergrad with B’s and C’s and I was perfectly satisfied with that. I loved to hang out with friends and party. I worked a part-time job as a nanny which allowed for lots of flexibility and time to spend with friends and my boyfriend, Trevor. We had only been together for six months, but we were inseparable. I knew I loved him, but I was in no way ready to settle down and make any real commitments with anyone, including a baby.

                I knew I wanted kids one day, but I didn’t know if it would be in the cards for me. I had been diagnosed with Stage II endometriosis and suspected PCOS. I had irregular cycles (think two a year) and a few laparoscopies to burn the endo and relieve the pain I was constantly in. My wonderful doctor told me she was confident that I would be able to get pregnant one day, but probably not without some “extra TLC.” I was on birth control to help suppress the endo, but I rarely remembered to take my pills.

                I remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. I had been feeling “off” for a few days, but just KNEW there was no way. On the morning of August 5^th, I was driving home from work when I had this overwhelming feeling to keep driving past my neighborhood and get a pregnancy test from the Walgreens down the street. So I did. Two pink lines appeared right away. I sat on the bathroom floor in shock and disbelief: my life was OVER. How would I tell Trevor?

                As much as I wanted to wait until I saw him that evening, I felt like I was betraying him by keeping this a secret. This wasn’t happy news like I imagined it being for couples who longed for a baby. I called him. He answered at work, sounding as chipper as ever. “Hey babe! Whats up?” I had the speech planned out in my head. I would tell him he was under no obligation to stay. This wasn’t in his plans, either. I wouldn’t be angry. But instead, I just blurted it out. “I’m pregnant.” Before I could continue talking, he told me that we could do this. He insisted we would make it work, one way or another. And we did.

                The day Liam was born, I fell in love with Trevor in a whole new way. I saw the way he looked at his son. I saw the way he looked at me, and he told me how proud he was of me. He thanked me for giving him the best thing in his life. It hasn’t been an easy road. Along with still getting to know him as a partner, I’ve had to get to know him as a co-parent for this little boy who is half of me, half his daddy, but all of our hearts. Many people told us it wouldn’t work between us, and that I was making a mistake because I would inevitably end up a single mom. Boy, were they wrong. Trevor has shown unconditional support and love to me and Liam. He is the glue that holds this family together.

                I’ve had people ask me if I am babysitting Liam. When I tell them no, that he is my son, I see the judgment pass over their face as they quickly glance down to my left hand. During a conversation with a patient at the pharmacy I work for, Liam was brought up. When she asked why I wasn’t wearing my wedding band, I told her I wasn’t married. After an obvious scowl, she insisted that we tie the knot right away so that we could be a family for our son. I was shocked. Do people really not consider us a family because we don’t have the marriage license to prove it?

                Trevor and I have since become engaged to be married. Our wedding date is set for next June. Despite the pressure from family members and friends to do it sooner, we wanted to wait until we were sure. As we stand up at the altar next summer and vow to love one another forever, we won’t be creating a family, but a man and wife united in marriage. We’ve been a family since the beginning.

~Caitlyn